so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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