summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
