Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
