I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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