I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We are all done wearing pants today
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
