Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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