i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
