Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
