apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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