about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
