I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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