Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
