You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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