I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
