Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize