so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
