Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
