he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
