so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You need Xanax blowdarts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
