he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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