Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
