dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
