I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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