I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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