I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
