there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
