Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
