This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
false alarm, still single
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