Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
