She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
