I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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