I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
