We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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