My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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