phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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