you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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