He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
