I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
