i think my mom watched the whole time
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
