You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
