i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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