forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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