I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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