I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
