remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
