I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
