I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize