On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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