either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't want my vagina anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
