Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
