hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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