forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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