Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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