Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
