you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
