this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize