mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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