I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
