I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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