So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
