The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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