There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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