Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
