You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
