Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize