At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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