Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
