your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i think i just lost a toe
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
