mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Bring me that man meat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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