So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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