I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
