By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
