Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
