it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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