remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
