We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
