I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
