Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
