I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
