I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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