put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
