This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
