The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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