where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish my penis had an off switch
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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