the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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