high people should be assigned attendants
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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