I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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