Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
