your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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