Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's shark week go big or go home
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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